Years ago I used to get severe depression. The almost suicidal kind that makes you want to curl up into the foetal position for a month and never see the light of day again. Out of the blue it hit me again this week. Ok so I wasn’t about to jump of a cliff, but it was that all encompassing black blanket that no amount of ‘good things’ happening in your life alleviates.
Over the years I have spent much time and energy researching the topic of depression not least because of my own condition, but also because of it almost magical ability to convince us of a false reality we are willing to let it wreck our lives to believe!
How can people who appear to ‘have everything’ get so despondent about their life that they no longer want to live it?
Over the last 2 months I have received quite a number of emails from Life Change Participants telling me about their own brush with ‘the Black Dog’, so since this week I was rudely reminded of my own short comings, I thought I would share my research with you and get your thoughts on the matter.
As anyone who has suffered depression will know it’s all encompassing. Not even your most enjoyable activity, or beloved loved one can make the slightest bit of difference to the fog your mind and body feel they are in.
Of course this inability to appreciate the obviously good in your life makes you feel even worse, as you add, ungrateful, to the list of short comings your inner dialogue keeps reminding you of.
Now science will tell you its brain chemistry, but the question is what came first? Is your brain chemistry low and hence you feel depressed or are you depressed hence your brain chemistry is low.
After all the mind is a mighty chemistry lab and research shows that good percentage of all ailments, at their core, are generated by our repetetive thought patterns and hence destructive habits.
After much research, I now believe that in most cases people who get depressed are simply hypersensitive to the internal voice trying to keep them balanced, or in flow.
This ‘guidence’ you would think would be a good thing, and it is when we pay attention to it, but unfortunately most of us are determined NOT to live in flow. Instead letting our life be guided by stuff and circumstance outside of us, like status, other peoples opinions and perceived social expectations.
I truly believe if you suffer depression you are experiencing first hand your ‘souls’ battle with your current way of living.
We have developed so many modern methods to dull this innate wisdom and keep us embroiled in the ’should have’, ‘must have’, wants, needs and expectations of our modern lifestyles, but those with depression have a harder time keeping up this charade. Eventually the incongruence gets too much and they shut down.
Of course shutting down is your bodies’ way of forcing you to re connect . What happens when you are really depressed? You give up!……Let go! Usually via sleep or artificially via drugs and alcohol which temporarily allow you to let go.
But once we are back on our feet, off we go, ploughing right back down the old path like nothing ever happened.
Imagine someone who told you rather than taking your hand out of the fire you should simply take a pill, fit in with everyone else and keep right on holding it there…… NUTS! Well that amounts to how we are treating depression.
WHAT TO DO
Simply put depression is incongruence.
So I have a little trick that dips your toe back into flow just long enough to alter a few neurons and make a difference. To be honest it works for a multitude of sins from low self esteem to heat ache, indecision and depression but like anything, you do have to DO IT!
Through the day when you feel down stop and think “what would my thoughts be like and right now if I was the type of person that could totally let go of whatever it is that is making me feel like this. (if you dont know whats making you feel this way then just imagine releasing the feeling anyway)
Just for 5 min put yourself in a life with absolutely no problems, no expectations, no responsibilities, no undiscovered purpose or higher calling you have missed, no one you have let down, no one to please, nothing to live up to and no one to judge you for what you have or have not done. In other words LET GO!
Emerse yourself in the fantasy completely. Contemplate how a person who was really like this might think or feel. Notice the actions you might take or decisions you might make if you were that person.
You may find letting go hard at first. That’s only because your brain thinks it ‘needs’ your fears and frustrations to define who you are and give you a sense of responsibility and hence purpose. Reassure it, that it can have all your worryies back right after the exercise, You only have to LET GO for 5 min.
You will be surprised how obliging your brain is when its not afraid it will lose its crutches.
What this excercise does is remind you that the calm at your core is still, and has always been there. This exercise rewires your perception one neuron and can be quite an eyeopener. (i wish i had figuerd it out years ago)
So if you are someone who suffers from depression, don’t look at it as a bad thing . It shows your intuition is working and its telling you ‘RIGHT NOW YOU ARE NOT IN FLOW– Use it as your own personal life instructor and you’ll be amazed at the inciteful things that can come out of this perception shifiting excercise.
NOTE – Thanks to a critic
Just a quick note to thank the critic who reminded me of this fact recently, pointing out that if I got offended or depressed by their criticism of our project t, I was defiantly NOT walking in flow. They were right and im eternally grateful for the uncomfortable but much needed reminder to get back on track.
July 31st, 2010
14 Comments on "The upside of being down"
Great article! It’s ok to ‘get depressed’ from time to time, but as you say, just don’t stay there.
My suggestion….It’s not what you ‘do’, it’s not what you ‘have’, it’s what you ‘BE’. And how do you ‘BE’, here’s a simple tip – become the traits that attracted you to your partner. (That’ll get you thinking)
It must be time to turn the key in the ignition and get under way. I dont know how you would be able to do it when you travel in a mobile signbourd but try and remember to try and find an out of the way place to enjoy some family time over the next 6 months away from all the hype. It is thier relationship with you that matters more than any thing or any one else on this earth. Look after yourself, there is only one Geoff Barker.
Thank you for being so human and honest. It would be so much easier for you to be in an ivory tower, easier; but deceiving and not helpful to anyone. I started off lukewarm to your mission, but my admiration for what you are doing and why is growing by the day.
Thanks for your article Geoff. You did a wonderful job of reminding folks that spirit walks with us always. It is an interesting perspective in relation to depression as I have always said if you are not listening to your inner guidance, spirit will turn the volume up but you have just successfully pointed out that spirit can also “turn the volume down” in order to get you to listen harder and wake up !! Enjoy your blast off – looking forward to seeing your guys in Byron x
Dear Geoff,
For me, your post about depression has come just at the right time. I am an organic farmer that looks like I am living the dream… doing something that I love, raising animals in a healthy and humane way. For the past couple of years I have been suffering on and off with that awful lethargy and despondency that clouds your judgement and makes everyday a looming mountain (but not one that you want to conquer… just one that lurks undermining confidence and happiness, making me feel like a failure in every aspect of my life.)
I will definitely try the visualization tool. Thanks so much for sharing with us all.
Ah! I see Geoff – you do know what the flow is. I am sure you will recognize it along the way and take notice when you feel yourself fighting the flow.
I really do believe you and your family will do very well on this experiment of yours.
Depression is a thing everyone is faced with from time to time. I believe that if you just do not like the experience all that much – you will pull yourself out of it for something you want and love much more. I think though that depression is a thing we all must experience so we can recognize and appreciate its opposite when we experience that. Life is full of the good and the not so good of it all. I think it is all a part of qualifying for the next life. It is one of life’s experiences and we have to learn to master the art of rising above its pull. It usually hits when we are exhausted or very tired. The answer is to make sure you get sufficient R&R in the course of your every day. If you find depression hit ask yourself what you have neglected in the R&R department lately. REST DIET RECREATION EXERCISE. I find if suffering from depression the quickest way out of it is to go do a few laps in the swimming pool you will get out of the pool on a real high. A lot higher than Drink or Drugs can make you. The swimming high is a healthy high too and leaves you feeling relaxed and happy. Try it. There will not be too many things get the better of you – you’ll see I’m right about this.
take care
littlesparrow45
I too have suffered with the long standing issue of major depression. It not only effects me, but also my husband, our 2 adult children & their spouse/partner.I found myself shrouded in a very thick fog & nothing that I can do about it. I have been on ’suicide watch’ a few times in the earlier days. I was dragged kicking & screaming to a truly dedicated Psychiatrist who is responsible for my surviving this ugly chapter of my life. Having a truly traumatic childhood, the death of our first baby & then my brilliant dad died from a rampant cancer. None of these issues had ever been ‘dealt with’. I had a mountain to climb if I wanted to survive these challenges. My ‘unfogging’ took the best part of 15 years.
To anybody who is/has been in this situation there is a safer/happier life around the corner. You can not see it yet, but grab an excellent psychiatrist & do not let go until it is your time to do so.
I was so very lucky. My husband & our children stood by me when all else was falling down. School can be a dreadful experience, particularly with a mother who has a severe mental illness. I am only now finding out bits & pieces of what our children endured as a result of my illness. Some families were supportive, others were not. My experience was that of the latter.At least I knew where I & my family stood.Very little of that has changed.
I had my last appointment with ‘my shrink’ last week. It feels very positive not to be under his care, but also scary at the same time. I have faith in me. I am sure there will be times that will scare the living daylights out of me. I can cope with that. My depression is caused by trauma, which I had no control over.As long as I keep taking my medication I should be symptom free. The black dog will always be in the corner & I have to watch it as intensely as it watches me. I know that I am winning this feud. A lot of hard work has gone into my sanity, it is not always easy, but then what is? These words are my rock…FIGHT, FIGHT, & FIGHT
AGAIN. It has worked for me so far & I am living proof that lights are at the end of a very long tunnel.
“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he”, I like this.
Plus the story that an old Cheroke indian told his little grandson about a battle that goes on inside of people.
He said, “My son the fight is between ‘two wolves inside us all’.
One is Evil.
It is anger,envy,jelousy,sorrow,regret,greed,arrogance,self-pity
guilt,resentment,inferiority,lies,false pride,superiority,selfish.
The other is good.
It is joy,love,peace,hope,serenity,humility,kindness,thoughtful, benevolence,truth,generousity,compassion,empathy,truth and faith” and forgiving.”
The little fellow thought about it for a minute,looked up at his grandpa and breathlessly asked..”oh Grandpa, which wolf wins?” and the old man said simply,
..”the one you feed”.
All the very best to you all for this “New beginning”
RECONCILED 1
one thing that I discovered about depression is that it can be a habit pattern of the mind. I found Vipassana meditation to be tremendously helpful in teaching me to notice this habit pattern and then to stop reacting to it. It took me some time of practicing to eradicate it, but depression is like a little plant, once you get it by the roots it can’t come back. http://www.dhamma.org It is the course from hell, well really, it is heaven and hell all rolled into one, quite the experience!
No one likes being depressed but – the up side for me is this, if you have never been down in the valleys how can you possibly appreciate the mountain peaks? One of the most important hing when you are down is to continue to be able to look up! Part of getting out of those valleys is looking up at the mountain top! Focusing up, away from your own probelms is always the way out. It restores perspective.
)
Shakespeare: “nothing is so bad as thinking makes it so”[or pretty close - Hamlet]
Someone is always worse off than you are. When tempted to think you are alone in the %$@#!&* think of the folk wherever in the world the latest disaster has hit.
As Wilbeforce said: “There but for the grace of God go I”.
But for a combination of fortunate things you were not there when the fire, tsunami, earthquake, flood etc hit. You were not caught in the middle of a war, famine, plague. You were not enslaved, mugged, glassed or any other of an infinite number of horrors. You are free to help!
Reorient to the positive and think how to be an answer rather than part of a problem! [Someone else said, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. ] How can you use what you have learned/survived to help others? [This is what, I believe, you and Bessie are in the process of doing.]
I suffered depression badly as a child and young person. As an adult, my beliefs, and the ability to write out, sketch out my feelings and to LAUGH made a difference!
I am suffering the kind of depression which comes through heartbreak and the stab in the back. I thought I was only going to have to deal with a breakup, but now I am dealing with the double vandiction of my bf n gf. They both saw each other behind my back and had intimate relations.
My mum says, I will get over it, and I know eventually you do, but to have to go through it, is the worst part of being alive.
thank you for your article.
Wow Geoff. Thank you for sharing. And all the great comments. I tried suicide many, many years ago and obviously didn’t succeed. Unfortunately my younger brother did succeed in 2004 and only now, years later, I can say it’s one of the best things that’s happened to me. It was the biggest wake up call of my life and of course, I wish it didn’t happen but now I compare all pain to that reference point. It was a long road out of the fog (both times) and now people can’t believe I’m not on drugs (because I’m so happy all the time).
Indeed mental fitness is just like physical fitness – we need to maintain it almost daily. The great thing is that once it becomes a habit it’s actually hard to get depressed for too long, because that’s not your “norm” anymore.
Maybe because it’s late at night I’m more D&M but would like to say I admire you both and will help spread the word by placing a link to this site in our next newsletter. I did something similar by selling up my house and packing up my business last year to go to Hawaii to be with the man of my dreams. Without a plan for the first time in my life, it all went belly up 10 days after arrival. How I coped can be seen here http://www.mentalorganism.com/2008_10_01_archive.html
And I LOVED YOUR BOOK “What’s on a man’s mind?” Should be read in schools!!
We can all get depressed sometimes, but lately when I feel like I have hit rock bottom or at my lowest, I remind myself of my blessings and what I have to feel graetful for – loving husband, beautiful son who both put a smile on my face everyday. I always put on my favourite music to lift me up when I am feeling down or pop on my favourite movie. I have a list of things to lift me up and normally pick one or two.
Hi Geoff. I also know someone close to me that committed suicide. He was 31 with 2 young children. Its such a hard situation to deal with, no offence but you are lucky you got through it. Even over time, it is very hard, I suffer from depression myself now also. But I dont think Id do the same thing due to that experience. People that do go through with it dont realise how much it hurts everyone else around them, family, friends etc, it changes our lives so much as well. We need a better mental healthcare system in Australia, there is no place for mentally ill people to go. That is part of the problem. I respect what you are trying to do but we really need to address these issues in society, some of these people need REAL medical help.
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